Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
