I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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