i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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