Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize