where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize