She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
