dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
zippers are such a cool invention
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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