I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
