Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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