It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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