The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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