It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
