batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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