You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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