she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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