I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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