i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she peed on how many people?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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