Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
