So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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