Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize