fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
