I just pynch a tree in the face
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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