I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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