Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
