I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i've created a new STD.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
