My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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