Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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