Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
