Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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