He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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