I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
