yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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