somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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