I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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