I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
