Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
