youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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