Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
should my penis look like a turkey
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
