I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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