As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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