I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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