im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
