Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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