wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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