I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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