I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
