can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
