just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize