I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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