Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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