So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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