i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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