why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we made out on top of his cat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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