Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.