dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom