i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
