69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
