Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
