thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
