I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize