check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Text me some of your sweat
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
