Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
