Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
