It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
