when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
